【Oliver】Amygdala's Rag Doll【Original Song】
i finally figured out how to use soundfonts in garageband and i wanted to use this lil toy piano for something so!!!
and hey i also wanted to use oliver again??? it's been two years buddy!!! it's been two heckin' years how ya been!!!!!!!
edit: alright so now that I'm fully awake (or as awake as I'll ever be HAHAHAH) I'm gonna make an attempt to explain what this song is about, because I'll be honest, the "something happens and someone goes insaaaaaane and murders people!!!!!" theories are REALLY making me uncomfortable ;;
another edit: before you read this, keep in mind i HAVE tried going to a psych. nothing we tried helped at all. we're still trying and looking for other options, but from doing my online research, we're looking at years of therapy to get over some of this stuff. even so, sometimes, depending on what you have, mental illness isn't something you can fully recover from, so. anyways.
Again, this is really complicated to describe and y'all are gonna be weirded out as fuck but here we go:
The reality of me being a nice person, genuinely helping people, and being an overall well-liked person seems too fake. It doesn't seem like that's what's really going on. I've somehow mangaed to convince myself that I'm abusive, both emotionally and physically, manipulative, and overall an extremely toxic person, and that something else is happening instead of whatever I experience. I guess I feel like I'm living in some sort of falsehood? Like, on my end, I see myself treating people and trying to be nice, but in reality I'm actually hurting everyone I meet and even emotionally traumatizing people. And I don't know it. Because I don't actually see myself doing it.
It's gotten to the point where I'm almost fully convinced that from around 2010 - 2015 never actually happened the way I remember it. I have very, very vague memories of knowing completely different people, one specific person which I abused and emotionally scarred. I obviously don't know anything about these people, and overall I really can't remember a single thing about this idea, but I just KNOW I've done something horrible, and the concept of me targeting one specific person and practically ruining their life is what feels most... familiar.
No matter how many people tell me they love me, that I'm a kind person, and that I've never done anything specifically wrong, or even to the extent of abusive, I can't actually believe them. I don't /choose/ to not believe them, of course, I CAN'T because I don't know if what I'm experiencing is actually what's happening or not.
I can't tell if this is just my brain spouting bullshit or if I'm actually hurting people.
To connect this to the song, I can't tell if I'm the puppet or the puppeteer.
__________________________
mp3: https://www.dropbox.com/s/xw8wiay5b8tarri/Amygdala%27s%20Rag%20Doll.mp3?dl=0
instrumental: https://www.dropbox.com/s/y66bue563o0qqcr/Amygdala%27s%20Rag%20Doll%20%28instrumental%29.mp3?dl=0
purchase if you want!: https://ghostandpals.bandcamp.com/album/amygdalas-rag-doll
lyrics: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1apD_r1L28477MllOwJMs1MsBpw4zhedXx1UCRpWB5jM/edit?usp=sharing
